Curling
Curling is all very well, but it’s not very now. See, this things come and go with fashion and, sadly, Curling’s days are long gone. You just don’t see the kids going out Curling of an evening any more. Nobody cares.
So what are the kids up to right now, I hear you ask. Good question. Well, the game everybody is talking about is called Blogger Bashing. The rules are very simple: now that so-called weblogs and so-called weblogging culture are at least three years beyond being worthy of intelligent editorial, you simply have to write on the subject. This doesn’t necessarily involve owning, writing, contributing to, or (apparently) reading any weblogs—but the object is to become the world’s authority on them. Moreover, points are awarded for attempting to point out to the uninformed (assuming they exist) that they’re pointless, boring, egocentric, fashionable or passé. Basically, the more up yourself you are, the better you’re doing.
Now, fashion is fickle—and in the time it’s taken me to type that last paragraph, the kids have allowed Blogger Bashing to grow. Simply writing about other people writing is just not enough for the real hipsers. Now, you have to white and publish web content about how other people should write and publish web content. There’s extra kudos if you can get it onto a respectable web site—especially if nobody’s ever heard of you before.
(pause)
Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a rant. Why oh why oh why oh WHY OH WHY do people keep doing this? Why do people keep on publishing the same old crap? Why do people insist on churning out articles about weblogs? Why do people keep trying to classify and define weblogs? Why do people keep writing about how to write a weblog? WHO FUCKING CARES?!
Okay, in the time-honoured tradition of making meta out of meta, I now present the dos and don’ts (or, specifically, the don’ts) of weblogs and writing about weblogs:
1. Do not write about weblogs. They’re dull.
2. Do not classify weblogs. It doesn’t work.
3. Do not assume that you can summarise the work of so many unconnected people. That’s just crass.
4. Do not start a weblog. There are too many already. Indeed, if you’ve been running a weblog for under a year, stop.
5. Do not moan about weblogs. If you have a problem with them, disassociate yourself. Take your weblog down.
6. Do not think that weblogs are important to the world. They’re not. Each one is merely someone’s hobby. They are important to their authors, but that’s where the buck stops.
I could go on. The point of all this (weblogs, writing about them, giving awards to them, etc.) is that it’s dull and pointless. There’s no need for it. The only thing these sites have in common is the typical reverse-chronological update format for the content. What content goes into this format is entirely down to that site’s author. There’s no right or wrong. It doesn’t matter how many people read/like/worship it. If there has to be a rule of weblogging, that rule is to ignore what anybody tells you to do and do what you like however you like. Ignore these articles. Ignore the points above. Ignore the out-of-date journalists, the award ceremonies, the know-all “webloggers”. Ignore the concept of A-List. Ignore link-swapping, back-slapping, and link-farming.
The web is good because Jeffery X. Public can do exactly how he likes with it—not because he has to conform to its trends. But don’t take my word for it—make up your own mind.
“You’ve got to think for yourselves! You’re all individuals!”
“Yes! We are all individuals!”