Guarded
Have you ever wondered where newsreaders go to learn to be newsreaders? I know I haven’t. However, those of you that have will be pleased to know that I’ve found the answer: they become security guards in the building where I work.
They sit behind the large curved desk in the foyer looking very serious, holding the piece of paper on the desk in front of them by a top corner. They study this document intently until you walk past them, at which point they raise their heads and eyebrows to look straight at you. Meanwhile, screens all around them display a barrage of images and information, and someone mutters inanely into their earpiece. After a couple of years of perfecting this, the best one percent will be allowed to move to an office within earshot of Big Ben. They will then spend a further two years training to deliver succinct headlines between chimes.